Are You a People-Pleaser
How to Stop and Put Yourself First
By Marlene Wagner
Has someone ever called you a people-pleaser? It might be true, but getting a second opinion is a good idea if you aren’t sure.
I’ve listed five indicators below to show you the signs of being a people-pleaser. Consider this your “second opinion.”
- You Can’t Say No
Your friend has asked you for a favor for the tenth time, and your boss just asked you to stay late again.
Both of your divorced parents want to see you for the holidays.
A people-pleaser says yes to all of these people because they can’t seem to say no to anyone.
Not saying no means you are a people-pleaser, especially when you say yes to things you know won’t work out.
- You Constantly Wonder What Others Think
Are you always worried about what others think of you? Or your friends won’t like you if you don’t do what they want.
You worry you have done something that displeased your significant other or another loved one.
These anxious thoughts are a sure sign of people-pleasing behavior—thoughts like this cause you to please others before taking care of yourself.
- You Feel You Never Have You Time
Self-care is essential, and most people-pleasers don’t have the time, mainly because they are too busy saying yes to everyone else.
Take a look at your schedule. Do you have time penciled in just for you? If not, you’re probably a people pleaser.
- You Feel Bad Saying No
Okay, so maybe you can say no and have done so before. However, did you feel bad or guilty when you said it?
You have every right to say no and shouldn’t feel bad doing it. It’s another sign that you are a people pleaser if you do.
- You Constantly Apologize
Are you constantly apologizing for everything, even stuff that may not be your fault?
It isn’t healthy and means that you are probably a people-pleaser.
People-pleasers want people to like them no matter what, which can lead to them apologizing for things they didn’t do to ensure they stay in the person’s good graces.
Did you find that three or more of these things described you and how you feel?
If so, you are likely a people pleaser.
If you don’t want to damage your health by pleasing others, it’s time to accept that you are a people-pleaser and seek help to overcome your people-pleasing ways.
How Does People Pleasing Hurt Us
You may ask what is wrong with pleasing people. You like making others happy. What’s so wrong with that?
People-pleasing is a damaging behavior for several reasons.
Keep reading to learn more about the dangers of people-pleasing and how it may be hurting you.
People Pleasing Can Damage Your Physical Health
When you take on risks and activities you aren’t comfortable with to make someone else happy, you are a people-pleaser.
These risks and activities can lead to physical damage.
Here is a question: Have you ever gotten hurt doing something stupid to impress somebody? Yeah, don’t worry—we all have.
You Can Damage Your Mental Health
Besides your physical health, your mental health is in jeopardy when you constantly people-please.
As a people-pleaser, you often don’t make enough time to care for yourself.
Self-care is essential for maintaining mental health.
When you disregard your mental health for too long, this can cause serious conditions like burnout and depression.
You May Get Into a Toxic Relationship
People pleasers don’t know how to say no; sadly, some people will take advantage of this fact. Namely – toxic people who lie to control others.
Toxic relationships are unhealthy, as they frequently contain mental or even physical abuse.
It is tough to leave toxic relationships, so tricky that many people don’t get out soon enough.
If you are a constant people-pleaser, you will find it harder to spot (and listen to) the signs indicating someone is toxic.
You Won’t Be As Successful
In addition to all the physical and mental damage people-pleasing can cause, it also keeps you from achieving your dreams.
You are so focused on saying yes to others and making them happy that you put what you need to do on the back burner.
It means that someday you could realize you are working a job you hate in a city you hate because you couldn’t say no and know you needed to focus on yourself.
As you can see, being a people pleaser is quite dangerous.
It hurts your physical and mental health and keeps you from success.
So, if you want to live a happy and healthy life filled with success, it’s time to stop being a people pleaser immediately.
How To Stop Being a People Pleaser
You now realize you are a people-pleaser. Don’t worry—this is a common condition and a revelation for you.
And now it’s time to stop for your own health and sanity.
Below are some ways you can learn to stop being a people pleaser.
Set Boundaries
Establishing boundaries in your relationships is the most critical step to stopping your people-pleasing ways.
Of course, different relationships will have different boundaries, but they need to be there regardless.
For example, suppose your significant other asks you to do something extra because they have a busy week ahead.
In that case, this might be okay, but if your friend does this all the time, it might be time to draw the line.
Take Small Steps
Chances are, you aren’t going to stop being a people pleaser overnight.
Being a people pleaser has probably been ingrained in your mind since you were young.
Therefore, you should start small instead of changing everything at once.
To begin with, you can set some simple boundaries that shouldn’t offend anyone. For example, let someone know you aren’t available during work hours.
Set Goals for Yourself
It’s essential to have a clear direction for yourself as you stop being a people-pleaser to prevent yourself from sliding back into your people-pleasing ways.
You should make goals for what you want to devote your time to and what you want to accomplish in life.
It is common for people-pleasers to feel they need to please their parents to the point of neglecting their romantic relationships.
If this sounds like you, your goal should be to devote more of your time to your significant other and less to your parents.
Engage in Positive Self-Talk
People pleasers feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else.
As you leave your people-pleasing ways, you will likely miss this positive reinforcement.
It’s why you need to create it for yourself.
Every time you establish a boundary and keep it, tell yourself you did a good job and are doing something good for yourself.
It may not feel as good as people-pleasing does at first.
Overall, the road to leaving your people-pleasing ways isn’t going to be without struggle.
But if you use the above tips, you’ll find that you enjoy doing something for yourself rather than people-pleasing all the time.
Before you know it, your people-pleasing days will be a distant memory.
Conclusion
Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t easy, but it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Learning to set boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being will improve your physical and mental health.
It also helps you build healthier relationships and achieve your own goals.
Letting go of people-pleasing doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It means you start caring about yourself, too.
Your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others it’s about how you value yourself.
Change won’t happen overnight, but every small step brings you closer to a future where you feel confident, empowered, and in control.
Start by taking small steps and practicing self-care, and step into a life where your happiness matters as much as anyone else’s.
Please always feel free to pass on my content to anyone you think would be interested in or helped by the information.
Contact me if you or someone you know is interested in one-on-one coaching.
If you are interested in more information on Self-Care or Setting Boundaries, drop me an email.
Until next time, starting today, make yourself a priority and begin living your best life.
But before we go, always remember to
Be true to your magnificent self,
Coach Marlene
Connect with me!! I’d love to hear from you.
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Email: parkavenueunlimited@midco.net
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