This blog series is for all women, single, married, and in between. I am Coach Marlene and am known as the dating coach for single women.
If you are a new reader of my blogs or a regular reader, I frequently write about issues that apply to all women and women of any age.
My mission is to help ALL women become the very best versions of themselves and live their best lives.
I am a big supporter and advocate for women to establish a self-care program in their daily routine. It’s a must!
It’s one of the essential habits that establishes the goal of being your best self and offering your best self to the world around you.
In Part One, we looked at the first steps to change.
In Part Two, we looked at how the lack of self-care leads to unhappiness in our lives.
In Part Three, we looked at balancing self-care with a busy life.
In Part Four, we looked at common blind spots.
In Part Five, we’ll look at why people fail in taking care of themselves.
So, let’s get started.
Why People Fail So Badly at Taking Care of Themselves
We are on the last leg of our series on Self-Care and probably the most difficult. But it doesn’t have to be.
Why do so many people fail at taking care of themselves? For some, they don’t know how to do that. What does it mean or look like?
By now, you have a good understanding of what self-care is and how to implement it.
I know easier said than done. Here comes the most challenging part. How and where to fit it into an already filled-up day.
This often is where and when people fail at that final step. How to make time to start taking better care of myself.
Even when you know how important self-care is to your wellbeing. It may not be easy, but it can be done.
Because many people fail when it comes to taking care of themselves, let’s look at why they fail or what’s holding them back.
It is often perceived as selfish
One of the main reasons people fail is because they feel it is selfish. They feel guilty when taking time to focus on themselves.
Or they worry about what other people think. They may see you as a terrible parent for not focusing solely on the children’s needs.
It is a total myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, it can help you to be a better parent, friend, spouse, and relative.
The more you take care of yourself, the easier it will be to take care of others. If we aren’t our best first, we can’t be our best for others.
You’ll also show your children the importance of self-care. Teaching them to take care of their own needs is a crucial life skill.
It helps them grow up to be more well-adjusted happier adults. They will then be good role models, and their children will grow up with the same standards.
It requires effort
There is no getting away from the fact that self-care takes some level of effort initially.
When you aren’t used to making self-care a priority, you will need to make some changes to your routine.
A self-care plan can feel like a chore, making it easy to put it off. However, there are ways to reduce the effort.
Focusing on one thing you want to improve at a time can help. Perhaps you’d like to start working out more?
Scheduling time to exercise as soon as you wake up can be a great start. If that’s not possible, could getting up earlier work out for you.
Self-care for you may not include working out. This is your program, and you can customize it in any way you want.
I suggest making a list of the things you’d like to do just for you that you haven’t been doing or think you don’t have time for.
If you break down your self-care with a list, it makes it much easier, reducing the effort involved.
Do you ever say, “I wish I could….”? What is that for you? What is that for you that fills in the blank?
Another clue is I wish I had time for… What is that for you that you wished you had time to do?
This is how to create your self-care program. It’s custom-designed for you. Your list may be very long, and if so, pick one or two from the list.
This is how to create your self-care program. It’s custom-designed for you. Your list may be very long, and if so, pick one or two from the list.
If you can create a space for one of those, then focus on just that one for now. Two is better, but you want to make sure you can fit it in somewhere.
Guard against taking on too many at once, as that could derail your goal. You want to do one or two for several weeks or months consistently.
You want to establish a habit that will automatically become a part of your routine, and you won’t ever give it a second thought.
Once you figure out a way to do the things you want to do, you will start adding something from your original list.
Keep in mind the things you want to incorporate into your life don’t have to be a daily activity. It may be only once a week.
If it’s time for more reading, there may be a spot somewhere during the week you can make that your time to do your reading.
It may be going to lunch once a month with a friend. It’s a once-a-month activity to look forward to.
Different approaches work for different people
We are all different and like and enjoy different things. Don’t let everyday self-care activities throw you off, believing self-care is not for you.
When you look at examples of self-care, many of them relate to things like reading a book or taking a hot bubble bath.
These activities aren’t for everyone, so they might feel self-care really isn’t for them. Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, yoga, and meditation.
If you find going for a run is a more effective way of feeling good, that would be classed as a self-care task.
It is anything that relaxes and takes care of you. As I stated earlier, it is custom-designed by you for you.
There are no two custom-designed self-care programs alike. You can’t copy someone else program.
If you find one self-care approach isn’t working, try something else. Self-care should be personal to your own needs.
These are some of the more common reasons people fail to take good care of themselves.
It can be difficult overcoming the initial barriers to self-care. Be aware of them, as they will sabotage you before you can get started.
Once you fully understand and start feeling the effects, you’ll know how important it is, and it will be much easier to stick to a self-care routine.
You’ve come this far. We are at the end of this valuable Five-Part Series on self-care and its importance to your well being.
Go back and go through the series again and implement the steps as you come to them.
Take your time. You’ll want to give each step the required time before going on to the next step.
It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. Nothing says you can’t make adjustments as time goes on.
This brings our Five-Part Series to a close. I want to wish you great luck implementing a self-care program.
Starting today, make yourself a priority and begin living your best life.
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