Building Self Confidence

Excerpt of Chapter 2 in Attract Love at Any Age

by Marlene Wagner


For Women Single Again

I have worked with single women for years, helping them get back in the dating world after losing a spouse or single again from a divorce.

The one constant I see most of the time is the lack of confidence these women are experiencing when dating again.

I have written a book for women single again. Here is a condensed version of a chapter on Building Self Confidence from that book.

Available on Amazon now. Attract Love At Any Age

Are you willing to make changes and build your self-confidence? Have you “decided” you’ll do what it takes?

Having self-confidence affects many areas of our lives and a process that evolves throughout our lives.

Do you ever look around and feel everyone in the world has self-confidence but you?  Everywhere you look, people appear self-assured.

Would it come as a surprise to learn we all suffer from a lack of confidence in more than one area?


We all lack confidence somewhere

We all lack confidence in some areas of our lives. I was a timid child, and even though I’ve worked through many insecurities, there are still times when I experience shyness.

Once you learn to recognize when you feel your insecurities is when you can work through it.

Your greatest motivation to deal head-on with shyness and self-consciousness is that it will never serve you in the right way. You will always feel powerless in that area of your life. 

I am all about empowering and enabling you to start breaking down the areas that hold you back and do something about changing it.


I am here to help you

I am here to help you do that. Together we will break down the barriers that are keeping you stuck. Where you’re stuck is where you lack confidence.

To give you added inspiration and motivation, I will tell you the one attraction men have for a woman is her confidence.

A confident woman is like a man magnet. A man’s radar will find a confident woman across a crowded room.  It can inspire you.

We’re going to start by creating the foundation for self-confidence.

How we feel about ourselves and how we see ourselves can make or break us.

It’s sad that in today’s world, body image is affecting so many men and women. 91% of all women are unhappy with some area of their bodies.

Social pressures and the media have impacted how we see ourselves and feel we never measure up.

It can and does hold men and women back not just from dating, but many other areas of our lives are affected by how we see and feel about ourselves.

I have heard it all when it comes to reasons why women hold themselves back.

I have to lose these last 5 lbs, I don’t have clothes, my body is out of shape, I don’t know how to apply makeup, I don’t like my legs, and my booty is too big, and it goes on and on.

These are excuses women use to sabotage their desires. When you stop making excuses, you’ll start doing whatever it takes. You’ll step out of your comfort zone and do the challenging work.


Separate what you can change and what you can’t change

If you are unhappy with your weight, it’s something you can change. If you don’t feel you look your best, it’s something you can change, and we’re going to work on making these changes together.

If you are self-conscious about some physical deformity that you can’t change or think you can’t change, guess again.

What you can change is your mindset. You change the way you look at it and the meaning you’re giving it. 

There is a phrase by Wayne Dyer.  “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

It changes the meaning we give to circumstances, people, and events in our lives.

Start paying attention and listen to your self-talk. Every time you say you want something or want to do something, pay attention to what you tell yourself about it.

I want to start dating, but look at me I’m overweight. What man would notice me and want to get to know me? My hair isn’t right, and I don’t feel beautiful.

Every time you make a judgment about yourself, write it down or make a note of it.

Get used to doing this because once you get into the habit of listening to your “self-talk,” you’ll be well on your way to making significant changes in building your confidence.

Your critical self-talk is your excuse. Only you can change yourself. Nobody can do it for you.

A coach or mentor can help you, but you will still have to do the work. Another exercise you can do is look at where you think you are stuck.

You’ve been moving towards a goal you have and reached a point where you’ve stopped yourself. Now you are stuck.

You can’t bring yourself to take the next step. That can be an indicator of lacking confidence. You’re holding back because of fear going forward. 

Have you stopped yourself because you don’t know how to do that next step? What is that for you?

Is it something you have to learn before moving on? Don’t let it stop you. Find out where and how you can gain the knowledge or know how to take the next step.


Is fear stopping you?

Is fear stopping you? When you’re not afraid, you’re in your comfort zone. If you’re scared of the next step, it’s the action that takes you out of your comfort zone.

To make changes, we must learn how to break free and break out into uncomfortable situations to grow. 

Its unfortunate people allow it to stop them and keeps them from growing and living full lives. Don’t be one of them.

If you need help, seek help from a friend, support group, or coach. Help is available for every challenge we face.      

Spend time identifying where you lack confidence and or where you feel you’re stuck. Are you ready to create your plan?

If it’s about body image, what can we change, and how do we change it. Will it be to diet and exercise?

There are countless food programs and eating plans for weight loss available. Research them and decide on the program to fit into your lifestyle and an eating plan comfortable for you.

I get it no one likes dieting, and I will recommend a few things to help you.

Join a support group of other dieters and focus on the health benefits. Remind yourself every day how healthy you’re becoming and recognize how good you’re feeling.  

Decide if joining a gym, an exercise group, or working out in front of the television is the way for you to start moving and getting fit.

In no time, you will not only start looking better, but you’ll also start feeling better too.


Get a makeover

Maybe you feel you need a makeover. It always amazes me what a new hairdo can do for us, women.

Recently I saw comparisons of older women given newly updated hairstyles. It was astonishing. A modern, stylish haircut takes years off a woman’s appearance and shows how beautiful you all are.

Perhaps it’s your wardrobe. Every city, big and small, has free help available to help select a stylish becoming wardrobe.

It doesn’t have to be but one or two outfits to get you started on those dates coming soon.

Department stores have personal shoppers. You can make an appointment to select everything for a complete outfit head to toe.

It’s a free service, and I highly recommend it.

Small boutique shops will always help put an outfit together for their customers. It doesn’t have to be heels and a dress or skirt.

However, I am a big proponent of skirts and heels because men are very attracted to a woman in a dress and heels.

But being realistic, we can’t always be in skirts and heels, and most women can look great in stylish, sporty clothes.   

In today’s world, women can look great, including sweat pants and most certainly well-fitting blue jeans regardless of size or age.

Yes, I did say sweat pants and irrespective of size or age. I know many plus-size women that own their size and look fabulous.

These days comfy clothes can be adorable if well put together. If it’s a stylish modern look, you’ll feel and look great.



Makeup, every cosmetic counter in existence will apply your makeup for you, teach you how to use it, and provide all the right shades and colors.

No more excuses about makeup.

It’s time to take action. You’ve decided you’re going to do this, you’ve created a plan, and now it’s time to take action and implement your first confidence-building strategy.

It will change how you feel about yourself in ways you never imagined. You’ll see how lovely you are.

You’ll start to see yourself as an excellent catch for some fortunate guy. Providing he plays his cards right. After all, you are the prize.

Remember, he’s the one applying for the position in your life.


Other confidences builders’ areas

Maybe you’re a woman utterly confident in the way you look and feel. You have a healthy self-image.

You need confidence-building in other areas such as how to be a good date, evaluate a date, and possible potential your date has.

Or how to be interesting on a date and how to give your date the attention he deserves to have.

I have proven time again a success with self-esteem building working with women throughout the years.

Most women benefit from doing a periodic review of their hair, makeup, and wardrobe. 

I call it an update. It revamps every woman’s self-confidence and highly effective in getting a woman to quickly feel great about herself.


Be true to your magnificent self,
Coach Marlene


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