Self-Reliance and What It Teaches You About Yourself

The Big Mistake Too Many Women Make

By Marlene Wagner



Self-Reliance is for women, all women, young, old, single, or married. What exactly is self-reliance?

All it means is that you rely on yourself more. You are more independent, and your success isn’t tied to anyone else.

You don’t have to give up all help and social contact. It’s Just knowing that you can stand on your own two feet.

And it will grant you the confidence to excel in all areas of your life.  

My mission and I say it often, is to bring information and content that will help women to be their best selves and help them live their best life.

Last week I brought you Self-resilience. In thinking about this week’s content, I realized how closely self-resilience and self-reliance are intertwined.

If you have one, chances are you have the other. As well, if you don’t have one, you also don’t have the other.

With each decade, women are becoming more self-reliant. They learn from their mothers.

And with each decade, more and more women develop self-reliance. I remember my mother and grandmother.

My mother had to learn how to be self-reliant after my father passed away. She was pretty dependent on him for different things.

My mother never learned how to drive because she didn’t have to. My dad was always there to do all the driving.

She had to learn how to deal with things breaking down and call a service company.

There was yard and lawn upkeep and winter snow to shovel. She had to learn how to hire someone for those jobs.

She had to learn how to be self-reliant. Did I learn from my mother watching her in those challenging times?

You bet I did! I learned the importance of self-reliance. I was single for a few years before I married. But I still had more to learn about being self-reliant.

My husband took my car every week, washed it, and filled it with gas for me for the week.

Once my husband was no longer around to do that for me, I pulled into a gas station and realized I didn’t know how to fill my gas.  

I never had to learn because years ago, gas stations had attendants to fill for you and wash your windows.

Years later, that service was no longer provided in gas stations, and now I had to have someone teach me how to put gas into a car.

It was another leap of self-reliance for me and the importance of knowing how to be self-reliant.

So, let’s get started on this week’s message on how to be self-reliant.


  1. Believe in Yourself

The first step to being more self-reliant is to FEEL more self-reliant.

You must believe you can stand on two feet, or you will never become more self-reliant.

You must believe you can stand on two feet, or you will never become more self-reliant.

We all can become self-sufficient and independent. There is no benefit in being helpless and dependent.

And sad as it is, there are still far too many women that will choose helplessness and dependency.


2.  Recognize Your Dependencies

It’s essential to figure out who and what you depend on. You don’t have to make any significant changes at this point.

Just recognize your dependencies. This way, you will know what kinds of things you need to learn to do yourself.

Brainstorm Your Dependencies. Figure out the people you are currently dependent upon.

You don’t have to stop depending on these people, but you should take steps to make yourself feel comfortable if you can’t rely on them.

As time passes and we age, we will become more dependent on things we can no longer physically do.

I have a lawn and yard that I depend on someone to maintain. I have snow that needs to be removed, and dependent on someone to do it.

I accept that physically these are things I can no longer do and must be dependent on having done for me.


  1. Accept Responsibility

If you want to be more self-reliant, you need to accept responsibility.

Your actions lead to real consequences, and you must be responsible.

If you make a mess of things, you must be responsible rather than looking to others to fix them.


  1. Think for Yourself

You must avoid groupthink or what society says and think for yourself.

Remember, society comprises the masses who don’t think for themselves.

When society speaks, it becomes gospel to people that don’t know what they stand for.

It doesn’t mean you take a contrarian stance on every issue, but make sure you understand and believe in what you talk about.

If you have a stance on something, ensure your view is not just what everyone else thinks.

List Your Values. Take some time to think about the core values that you hold. What are the things that you believe in, no matter what?

Being true to these is an essential part of self-reliance.


  1. Be Your Authentic Self

You should know your core values and what you believe in. Furthermore, it would help if you acted in ways that reflect those values.  

List Your Values. Take some time to think about the core values that you hold. What are the things that you believe in, no matter what?

Being true to these is an integral part of self-reliance.

Don’t try to be someone different to impress others. To be more self-reliant, you need to be comfortable in your skin.


  1. Make Your Own Decisions

You aren’t self-reliant if you run to someone else for help making every decision.  

Decision-making can be very stressful, and while getting someone else’s opinion is helpful, it’s up to you to make the decisions in your life at the end of the day.  

After all, you are the one who has to live with them.

Be aware of others that ask you to help them with a decision. Too often, it’s someone that can’t make their own decisions.

They are looking for someone to decide for them.

They don’t want to be responsible if a decision goes wrong and are quick to blame the one that decided for them.

Address a Weakness. Think about any weaknesses you might have.

Once you have thought of a few, think of a simple step to address one and then take it.


  1. Look After Yourself

A big part of self-reliance is taking care of yourself. You need to ensure your mental and physical well-being is taken care of.

Making sound nutritional choices and daily physical activities are the foundations and building blocks for good long-term health.

It’s never too late to start living a healthier lifestyle.

A poor mental or physical health spell will almost ensure your reliance on others.


  1. Commit to Lifelong Learning

While you can’t possibly learn everything, it is essential to commit to constantly learning if you want to be self-reliant.

The world and your needs change; you need to keep learning so you are ready to face these changes independently.

Mental stimulation has proven to be a great contributor to mental health. Find something you enjoy and challenges you mentally.

Reading interesting fiction or nonfiction books can keep the brain active.

Learning something new, playing challenging games, or joining card clubs are all excellent.

I’m a huge activate on continued learning and wholeheartedly believe it extends longevity. 


  1. Know What You Want

What do you want out of life?

To be more self-reliant, you need to know exactly where you want to go and what you want your life to look like.

What’s the point of being self-reliant if you aren’t following your goals?

The subtitle of this blog is The Big Mistakes Too Many Women Make. I won’t leave you without giving you the answer.

The big mistake too many women make is selling themselves out. They decide to remain helpless and utterly dependent on someone in their life.  

And yes, there are still far too many women who decide to live their life this way.

In conclusion, I hope you find this helpful, and if not, I hope you just enjoyed reading it.

I have as-needed coaching available, and if this would be something you’d be interested in, contact me for a free one-hour discovery call. 

If you have any challenges, let me know. I’ll include it in my content.

Starting today, make yourself a priority and begin living your best life. 

But before we go, always remember to

Be true to your magnificent self,

Coach Marlene


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