Dating Mistakes Before You Start Dating

Preparing Yourself for Dating Again

 by Marlene Wagner


Starting the Right Way

I often talk and write about dating and dating mistakes. Today’s dating world is confusing and challenging to navigate. I’ve written an entire book on how to navigate today’s dating world. 

It’s a book written for today’s women who find themselves single again, for the women who have been out of the dating world for some time and often for years. 

They want to get back out there, find love again and don’t know where to start.

My book and blogs are about educating and helping women find love again. Find the right man for them and avoid as many common mistakes as possible finding them.

As a dating coach and author, I meet and talk to many women and learn where the different women are at dating again. 


Dating Mistake #1: You haven’t healed from the last relationship or fully grieved the loss. 

The first biggest dating mistake you could make. Suppose you still have attachments or negative baggage from that relationship. In that case, you’ll sabotage all possibilities of connecting with a quality man. 

Some women take longer than others to heal from the last relationship. Take as long as you need, but you must be fully healed before considering dating again. 

Some women feel because they were the ones to end the relationship, they’re ready to date, and time to get over the relationship isn’t necessary. There is still a healing process, regardless. 

You may have anger or bitterness from that relationship, and it’s essential to let go of that anger and resentment. If you’re not free of it, connecting with someone new can still be damaging.

If you have trouble moving on, you may consider the help of a professional. It’s common to get “stuck” and unable to move forward independently. Know when it’s time to seek help, and then do it.


Dating Mistake #2: Thinking negatively about yourself.

All too common, so many women have a negative self-image. As a result, self-talk is negative and runs through their thoughts, looping repeatedly. 

I’m too fat. I’m out of shape. My husband left. Who will want me? I don’t have the right clothes to date, etc., etc.

Trying to date while you feel this way and telling yourself you’re not okay is a huge dating mistake. You will unknowingly sabotage any dating efforts.

I provide detailed information in my book on getting your dating confidence back. Watch for future blogs I’m writing on building dating confidence.

While working on building back your self-confidence, it’s a good time to think about why you want to get back into dating. What is your dating goal?  


Dating Mistake #3 is not having a dating goal.

A dating goal is what you are looking for in a new relationship. What is your ideal man, ideal partner? Take paper and pencil and start writing what your ideal man and relationship would look like.

I created an Ideal Man and Relationship form because I require completing this exercise before coaching my women. If you are interested, email me, and I’ll send it to you.

Describe your ideal man. Describe his character, his personality, his interests, and his occupation. Describe what your life looks like with this ideal man.

Describe what your ideal relationship with your ideal man would look like. Same interests, mutual activities, and recreations. Are your goals compatible?

Be as detailed as you can. Take your time doing this exercise. You may return to it often to add or remove something you previously listed.

This should be an ongoing process because as time passes, you’ll think of something you’d like in a man or something that would be important or nice to have.


Dating Mistake #4 is lacking clarity about what you really want.

I have known women and worked with women who were not necessarily looking for Mr. Right. They are lonely and just looking for someone to have them so as not to be alone.

That in itself is not a good reason to date. You are asking for trouble if that is the reason to date.

It’s okay if you’re not looking for a long-term loving relationship or remarry again if you’ve previously been married. However, it’s essential you get clear as to what exactly you’re looking for.    

If you’re lonely and just want a friendly companion, that’s okay. Just be clear on what exactly it is you want. You can have whatever you want as long as you know what you want.


Dating Mistake #5 Dating one person at a time.

You’ve got your dating confidence back, you’ve completed the Ideal Man and Relationship exercise, and you’ve gotten clarity on just what your reason for dating is.

It’s time to step out and start dating. As a coach, I’ve always recommended dating as much and as many dates as you can.

The reason is that life is short, and there is no point wasting time searching for that ideal companion you are looking for.

You’re dating one at a time until…  Some women feel they cannot juggle more than dating one man at a time. There is a way, and I teach women how to do that.

Spending time with the wrong man wastes time finding the right man for you. Check out my post on how to cut to the chase quickly. How to find the man you’ve been waiting for.

I’ve just covered five dating mistakes I see women make that are new to the dating world. These are women who have gotten divorced from years of marriage or have lost their spouse.

It’s been years since they were in the dating world. Today’s dating feels foreign to them as it differs from when they dated.

The dating mistakes I covered earlier prepare these women before they actually get back out and start dating.

They are getting clarity and addressing areas they usually wouldn’t consider when they’re interested again.

  • Eliminated baggage from the last relationship.
  • What is your confidence level about dating?
  • What are you telling yourself when considering meeting a new man again?
  • Are you clear on what you’d like a new man or relationship to look like for you?
  • Are you sure you want a romantic relationship again or have just a good friend?
  • Back in the day, we women dated one man at a time. Today, we date more than one at a time.

If you haven’t started dating yet but feel ready to get back out there, this is helpful information for you. 

Starting prepared and on the right foot will help you avoid getting discouraged as you step back into the dating world.

Watch for my next post on Dating Mistakes. I have more coming for you.

Be great to your magnificent self,
Coach Marlene

Attract Love at Any Age

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